"Stop your striving and know that I am God..." Ps. 46:10

I'd really been wrestling with bitterness at having to work again after not working almost since the day we got married. I'd thought with the children grown there would be less need for me to be at home. However, people aren't gone and the household still needs running. Thank God Emily has taken a large part in keeping it so. She does the cooking for Dave since they both have food allergies. Everyone else takes care of themselves. Em helps with the shopping, but I still do the main shopping with help from a buddy, usually Dave and sometimes Rick. Both girls do chores. Dave helps a great deal. Yet I've felt guilty that I should be doing all that. I don't believe in super-moms. My fibromyalgia has become a big issue over the past 2 years since I've worked. Fibros need a lot of rest. Running errands in my spare time takes away chances of that. Plus, "I'm SO underpaid at work." ;) I felt like since I'm making such a sacrifice, I wanted big monetary compensation. But would that really make everything ok? When at work, with the way my job has progressed, I've had trouble reconciling the fact that I'm always interrupted to work in another area. But I like my own little space and job. I don't want to "crossover" and help anywhere else. I've really been struggling to not resent life as it is.

Then I remembered what a wise man of God once asked me with an earlier life tug-of-war. "What would happen if you laid down the rope?" Ah, yes. Lay down the rope. So I did. Things began to look different. I suddenly saw that my job at the office is all incompassing. Of course! It's all my job! It just depends on the greater need at the moment. The relief I felt was uplifting! It seemed to lift the fog in several areas of my reconciliation struggles. I did feel like a winner. The past two days have been fun at work. Thursday was hectic but I came home feeling very satisfied and accomplished. Friday was a typical Friday, but I still got done what I needed to and what I was asked to do. Laying down the rope is definitely a win-win situation. Laying down the rope is nothing more than letting God be God and being free to do what He has for you. I was really resenting His will for me.

At home I feel a little more invigorated. When I can't sleep, I get up and do something constructive instead of lying awake grumbling. When I can sleep, I sleep better. When I'm awake, I feel like doing something instead of feeling defeated. My whole problem wasn't the medicine. But I think the medicine helped me see what was missing. Basically, trusting God's will for me. That perfect pleasing will I always preach at the kids to rest in!! It's a progression as He works on us. And He never gives up. His mercies really are new every morning!

"This God is our God forever and ever. He will guide us from now on." Ps. 48:14