"...and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:5b-7 Also at the retreat we looked at this verse in relation to forgiveness. It was pointed out that trouble forgiving can often, if not always, be related to pride. Here anxiety seems to be related to pride. It's talking about humble yourself, bask in God's grace, and cast your anxiety in the matter on Him. I always took the "cast your cares" verse out of context, apparently, as my everyday worries. But maybe pride issues and everyday worries are not so different after all. Why do moms worry about their kids? Why do dads worry about making ends meet? Could it be we're taking more than our fair share of the load? We are certainly responsible to train up our children, take care of them and to pay our bills. But as long as we perform our duties, we can certainly entrust our lives to the Lord. It's a challenge for me to check my heart. Have I entrusted my whole life to the Lord? Especially the details that only He can know and affect? Am I trying to take responsibility for that part I have no ability for? Is that why I am anxious? I think so. Why do I do that? Why would I try to do God's work? I submit it's pride because I'm not submitting in areas I should. God is wise and wonderful, but this means so much to me...Not consciously do I try to usurp God's authority or overrule His wisdom, but subconsciously I am. When we find ourselves becoming anxious, I think we need to check our hearts and spirits. I believe we're not trusting the hand of God, who so beautifully sustains us. He won't let us fall from His hand and care, but in our pride we tend to slip out of Jesus' yoke and try to carry more than our share of the load. No wonder we're anxious! No wonder we need God's grace! How comforting to know it's always there as we humble ourselves once again.

Forgiveness

This past weekend our church had a retreat. The topic was forgiveness, what it is and why it's important. As Christians, it's important because it is the heart of the Gospel of Christ. Our forgiveness by God is the Gospel. As His reflection to the world, we must also forgive. We aren't perfect reflections, but as God's forgiveness for us is ongoing, so should our forgiveness of others. We were challenged to have an attitude of forgiveness. I heard what was to me a new definition of forgiveness. It was "to lift the burden off another; to let go, to release [like opening your hand]; to exercise grace towards someone." Isn't that what it feels like when God forgives us? Isn't it beautifully and totally freeing! When we are in an attitude of forgiveness towards others something great happens to us. As we open our hand we are relinquishing our power over them and releasing our inadequate means and our own direction. But we aren't left to emptiness. We receive God's power, God's means and God's direction for us. It's a win win situation. We aren't saying whatever happened to us was okay or that they are right. What we are saying in forgiving is what grace was given to us, we extend to others. It's part of our conformity to Christ's image and is our obedience to our Lord. Oh, what joy again can be ours as we purify our hearts by forgiving (releasing) the pain to let God deal with what we cannot! What a wonderful God we serve! What a gracious Father we have!

All things work together.....

My son wants very much to join the US Army. I'm proud as can be of him for being willing to put himself in danger to protect the rest of us. We didn't know there was a test he had to pass to get in. We also didn't know that being home schooled gave him higher requirements. Math never was his strong suit. So, he studied and studied. Today he took the test and made a higher grade than needed. What was so beautiful to me was that all his past "failures" prepared him for the test. He did electronics work with a friend for a short time. There were electrical questions. He tried auto mechanics. There were mechanical questions. He tried personal trainer. There were physiology questions. All these things that my son had tried and "failed" at were in actuality preparation for his heart's desire. Our apparent failures God will take and work with to make us a success when we're in His will. Only God could so beautifully orchestrate that "up from the ashes come the roses of success!" (Phrase borrowed from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) Or as the Bible says, "God works all things for good to those who loved the Lord and are called according to His purpose." God is SO good!

The faith of a child.....

Today at work I needed people to return my calls. It wasn't happening. So I called home for my 21 year old daughter to pray. Whenever I have a prayer request, I always call my Emily. The calls started coming in a few minutes later. It's not magic, but whenever I ask her to pray, things do start happening. Not necessarily the way I want, but the answer always comes. By the title I'm not saying that Em is a child, but she is young and her prayers do receive answers. Why? I believe it's her child-like faith. Her faith is child-like because she isn't spoiled by years of disappointment in life. Her faith is child-like because it's sincere and genuine. She's seen God work more than she hasn't. I believe that she always will. She takes God at His word. She takes His Word as it is, truth. She's amazinly wonderful and we'd all do very well to learn from her. God doesn't disappoint those who trust Him---not those who believe in Him as Santa Claus, but those who believe in Him, His goodness and sovereignty and perfect parent love for us. The more I do, the more I see Him at work too. The more I do, the more I thank God for Emily's example of child-like faith in God and the power of prayer.

Check this out…

“Check this out” are the words my son said a few minutes ago once I was seated in the car, but hadn’t shut the door yet. He took off, which closed the door for me. Oh yeah, so cool. I guess it’s alright since I didn’t fall out or die or anything. However, there’s something super cool I do want you to check out. We stopped by my parents’ gravesite and it had poinsettia flowers in the vase. This is July. I was under the impression that my stepmother was maintaining the grave all this time. Apparently hadn‘t been there since Christmas. Emily tried to make me feel better by pointing out that the faded red made it pink and that was sort of pretty. Sort of, but the principle was beginning to fester anger. I knew my fellow travelers wouldn’t want to take the time to shop for some flowers. There wasn’t even a flag for Daddy’s Air Force service and Memorial Day wasn’t that far back. Then I looked around and saw a bunch of flowers in the trashcan. Hmmm….how bad would that be? Maybe they were real and left from a funeral. It was worth checking out. It turned out to be a new looking bouquet of spring/summer flowers, artificial, and looking very fine. I wondered if some kids had ripped them off a grave, but I didn’t see any without. I personally believe God put them there for me to be able to honor my parents. I would’ve come prepared if I knew I needed to. I didn’t know, so being the wonderfully cool God that He is, understanding the need, He provided for us. It was perfect because there were pink flowers for Mom, red tulips for Daddy, and yellow for cheeriness. I love God. He does such wonderful, thoughtful things for us before we even know how much we need them. God is great!

Shine like the stars....

I’m riding with my son in his little sporty car to go visit my sister and her daughter’s family for the weekend. Since we got rid of our van, we have to take two cars to go anywhere. That’s cool. I’m the only one who shares his overall taste for music so I get to ride with him. It gives us time together so I can get the scoop on his love life and other bits of news. Also gives me a captive audience! (A mother’s dream!) So, what was it I’ve been wanting to tell him?....... My Bible scholar daughter asked me if I knew of any verses that tell us to pray for the lost. Neither of us could think of any so she asked our teaching elder. No, he didn’t know of any either. So they talked about it at home group. It is fascinating since God is the one who awakens the soul to its need for a Savior----although I believe every heart longs for a one. So many books and movies are about heroes, superheroes, and someone making the ultimate sacrifice for the many. Nothing new under the sun---God had the original plot since the beginning of time! But people would rather make up their own hero to worship and follow than bow their knee to the One true Savior of the people. He doesn’t have to save the earth itself (although we God has told us to take care of it) because He’s just going to remake it in it’s even more wonderful-than-it is original state. But back to my original point, it’s certainly not wrong or bad to pray for the lost, but perhaps we should, as Paul did, concentrate on praying for opportunities to share our faith and show His love. It’s not all up to us, but in this instance, it’s ‘all about us’ and if we’re faithful or not to what we’ve been told to do. It’s exciting and freeing somehow. As the old saying goes, you may be the only Jesus they ever see. Let Him shine!

In the arms of God....

A few nights ago, a precious lamb of God passed away in her sleep. She was only two. Her body was frail and not perfect in the usual sense of the word. She had serious health problems, but she was so loved by her family and many others, including me. I was privileged to hold her at times. I would look into her eyes and see God's love. I held her and felt God's love. I do not feel like we have lost God's love though. In His wisdom, God designed this little lamb's body and soul, and in His wisdom, He has taken her. She is healed and being held by the Lord today. We don't hurt for her, we hurt for ourselves. Her precious smile will be missed. We are deprived of her warm body, but we have not lost the love we gave. We have been enriched by it. One thing we do share with our little lamb is that in our pain, as in her victory, we are being held in the arms of a loving God.

Good things and great people......

Wednesday was the first day that Emily was gone. When I walked in the house and she wasn't here, I almost cried! She always asked how my day was and always had things to tell me. I didn't know it was such a large part of my day. It hasn't been too bad otherwise. She texts us with an update now and then. She's having a great time!

My front door is almost finished. It's almost beautiful. I got the first coat of paint on it and am not sure when I'll have a chance to put on the second. It takes a bit of time and then it has to dry before we can shut it! But I'm pleased with the color and with the effect.

Davey has been a lot of fun lately. He leaves Sunday for a week to go to SA with his friend to see their other friend. I'll miss him. Things will be quiet. Really quiet.

Hannah always seems to be gone. She's often home, but upstairs asleep. Otherwise she's at work or with Kyle. That's all fine, but I miss her, too. I've missed my Hannah Banana for a long time. It's nice she calls now and then with a question!

Fixing up your house is fun. Watching your kids grow up is rewarding, but nevertheless, can be sad. I'm glad it takes years for them to grow up!

Sounds like a heart condition.....

Tonight sleep escapes me again. It only happens now and then these days, but it's so annoying. Tomorrow I'll be tired. At least I'll be off Thursday and I hope I'll have slept well by then so I can be productive.

My Em is leaving tomorrow morning for her mission trip. Maybe that's my hangup, I don't know. She's excited and I'm excited for her. It will be good for us to do without her for a while, but it won't be any fun with out her smile and genuine concern about all that goes on.

We're getting a new front door and glass storm door. I am so happy about that. The front door we have now is hollow. It bothers me greatly. The new one has a glass oval on it! I love those things! I'm going to paint the kitchen, too. It's my favorite color of blue, but it's a little dark. It will be a subtle yellow that matches the lightes color in some material I've been storing for years. Maybe I'll get those curtains made yet! I noticed how badly the trim needs painting---at least washing. We have a lot of dirty hands in this house! Then I need a place for all the things we have around that haven't been given a home. Better yet, get rid of all the things! Things do so own us, worthy or not, they need to be maintained. There's a lot of things in my heart and house I need too sift through and throw a lot of extra nothing out! Thursday is cleaning day for the house. Every day needs to be cleaning day for my heart. After all, it is Christ's home. He deserves the best. Better get started

Lessons in love...

I'm reading a booklet called Love, More Than a Feeling. It's based on 1 Corinthians 13. Today I learned that without love I am not a Christian. And it continued....Love is patient. I think of patient as waiting for something good--like waiting for Christmas or for my baby to be born! The definition given in the booklet was "bearing pains or trials calmly and without complaint; enduring suffering without complaining." Well that takes all the fun out of it! Where's my sympathy? Why must I suffer alone when I have loved ones about me to share it? But if I love the people around me, do I really need to include them in my misery? We're taught to share, but to share misery is uncalled for. To ask for prayer is one thing, but to complain or whine (not bearing trials very calmly!) isn't showing love for anyone.

The other point made in today's reading is the definition of kindness. When I think of being kind, I think of caring thoughts that may or may not lead to kind deeds. But, (you saw this coming, didn't you?), the Greek definition of kind is "to show oneself useful." Who'd have ever thought? It reminds me of the PBS Narnia production years ago when Trumpkin has lost some of his hearing and is told Eustice is here. "Useless! Well if he's useless' why do we want him?!" Indeed, what good are we to the Kingdom, if we aren't useful. We should all be striving to be Thomas the Tank Engines (a useful engine) of kindness in the Kingdom of God! If an action doesn't show caring, how useful is it? If an action is going to be useful----good for something--- then it will be a good, caring action. Some actions will indeed be practical, but are they not useful and bless others? Just think, what would be the use of smiling at the grouching, stopping to help someone when I'm in a hurry; speaking softly when angry. Any good there? Kindness can be mind-boggling. And what a good boggle it would be.

Today's reading was very challenging to me. How good it is to have practical lessons in the Word of God. God is so kind! I'm especially grateful He's so patient in bearing with me as I sometimes am such a slow learner. How great is our God!

I love my munchkins...

So many people make jokes about not being able to wait until their kids move out. I'm so surprised at that. My kids are fun to have at home. David is in rare form today---that sweet silly guy and so playful. Emily is cheerful. Hannah I miss because she's either working or with Kyle. I'm going to hate it when they're gone. I'll enjoy my time with Dave of course. I guess we'll always have my brother with us. But the kids are fun, cheerful, and I'm in no hurry for them to go anywhere! David needs to leave for his sake, but not just yet. After he's certified is soon enough. But I thank God for my munchkins and the fun they are!

The mountains tumble into the depths of the sea....

God is our strong refuge; He is truly our helper in times of trouble. For this reason we do not fear when the earth shakes, and the mountains tumble into the depths of the sea, when its waves crash and foam, and the mountains shake before the surging sea. (Selah) Psalm 46:1-3 I used to read this verse growing up for comfort, but not really feeling a lot of comfort. I realized recently that I have a fear of being abandoned and apparently concentrated on the second part and ignoring the first line! I don’t think the abandonment is as much by people as by situations. Not that the people I love would abandon me, but circumstances would keep them from me. Not that God would abandon me, but that maybe I haven’t trusted His full power and authority. That He would let me fall. I recognized the problem last night that I’m actually afraid of the earth moving under my feet (not from Dave’s kisses!) and falling to nowhere secure. I asked God to give me peace and to somehow confirm to me that I can trust Him and not fear. This morning in church we sang a song about God doing the moving of the mountains. God doing the mighty acts of nature to bring Himself glory—the glory that He deserves of course! All of a sudden I saw the answer to my fear so very clearly. If God’s making it happen, He will one way or another take care of me and my loved ones and it will indeed be to His glory. I found the peace I sought and joy on top of that! (God always gives extra, you know.) It’s incredible to me that God gave me my assurance the next day. Unfortunately I prayed more of a wish than really believing God would give it so soon. I have a habit of assuming it will take a while and I’ll stumble on my own onto the answer or something I can grasp and hope that’s my answer. But God very gently gave it to me with the first song and so clearly. The second song echoed the same message. God is sovereign, God cares for me, God will be faithful and take care of me. He also sweetly showed me I can count on Him for answers. They may not always come right away, but they can and certainly did in this case. Regardless of when the answers come, the answers are as faithful as their Master and do come when needed most. Wonder how many I’ve overlooked by assuming they would be vague answers? Or worse yet, not really expecting them at all? I also learned that when I learn the ugliness of my heart, I see the beauty of God’s heart. I always thought it was the other way around, which is also true. As we meditate on God’s goodness, we realize our lack of it. But today God showed me where I had been wrong and His truth in that order. It was a great comfort to accept my lack of faith that way. To see yourself doubting God in a way you didn’t think you were is very piercing to the soul. How can I doubt my God? I thought I was past all that. But God’s comfort came right away and it was by showing me the area I hadn’t been believing Him by showing me how far His sovereignty really reaches.

I can rest and rest in joy. May you know the beauty and security of God’s sovereignty and love too!

I am reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ trilogy Brokenness, Surrender, Holiness. So far I have broken and am learning to surrender. She writes: “…if we are unwilling to trust God with our happiness and well-being, and we insist on the pursuit of temporal pleasures, we may become dominated by overeating, getting drunk or using drugs, sexual promiscuity, adultery, pornography, obsession with television or films or novels, being irresponsible, or living beyond our means.” Some of that I see as obvious and some of it surprised me some. Obviously she’s not talking about just enjoying good books, but the sort of novel and movie you can get lost in and do so habitually. It’s the getting lost that we enjoy—also known as escape. I had heard before that we are made to be addicted to God and if we aren’t, we fill that void with other addictions. I think what Nancy says is more accurately to the point. God didn’t create us to be lacking, but with a free will. When we misuse it, we get into trouble. God recently showed me how much of my motivation in life was to push the limits—because I could. I remember at about age 3, we all lived with my grandmother while Dad was in school. My sister and I shared a room. One night we made too much noise and Mom had to come in several times to tell us to be quiet. Her final ultimatum was, “I don’t want to hear one more peep out of you!” My response was a silent “Okay, I’m too young to die.” My sister’s response was an incredibly audible, “Peep!” I just knew that was the end of life as I knew it. I don’t remember what the consequences were, but I learned early in our family that there were very few consequences of any great value. In defense of my mother, she had been abused herself. I do believe her going too easy on us was her attempt to not abuse us. I didn’t learn all that of course until an adult, but what I did learn that night was that almost anything goes, preferably don’t get caught, but if you do, it may not be that big of a problem anyway. And that often proved true throughout my growing up. So adventure became seeing what I could get away with. There were certain things I made sure I did right—school work and being the “good” daughter. I never got too brave, but I had a great time pushing the limits just under parental radar. My sister, being more outspoken and therefore in trouble more often, even made me look good by drawing all the attention. Self-control was only needed to keep my pride and reputation and favor with authorities, but not for God’s purposes. The limits I’d push I did so for the fun of it. I went through my alcoholism in my early twenties. Pride made me stop. Until I had married Dave, I lived beyond my means. I have (still do) struggle with contentment. At least I never took up smoking! Now I know why pushing the limits was so appealing. I was searching for pleasure and adventure for the laid back quiet person that I am. The quote from Ms. DeMoss is under the heading of trusting God’s provision—part of which is trusting Him for our happiness. I was seeking my own happiness with my own sense of adventure, foolish as it was. What’s so good about God is, it’s never too late to start entrusting my happiness to Him. I like this learning where I’ve been wrong, why I was doing it, and that it’s possible to do right just for the joy of it! (Not to mention the joy of pleasing God!) I won’t be fooled into thinking I won’t struggle from time to time with looking for joy in all the wrong places, but I feel armed now to face the desire when it comes with wisdom. It’s like I’ve finally grown up. It’s not near as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s very promising!

For You have delivered my soul.....

"Your vows are binding upon me, O God; I will render thank offerings to You. For You have delivered my soul from death, Indeed my feet from stumbling, So that I may walk before God In the light of the living. " Psalm 56:12-13 Back when I gave birth to Hannah, I remember hearing the pediatrician saying, "come on, baby, come on." Dave even told me that she flunked her first Apgar test and it didn't register why not. I didn't dawn on me until Hannah was about 10 years old that she had been born dead. I don't think I could've handled it before then. 10 years later my heart skipped a few beats when I realized the truth of the matter. When David was 3 weeks old he was diagnosed with spinal meningitis. They called it "aeseptic viral meningitis." I knew that wasn't as serious as bacterial. Then 3 weeks later the county called to get a report on it because it was so dangerous. That's when I learned aeseptic means unidentifiable, which means it needed to be treated as bacterial and could have been just as life threatening. My heart skipped a few more beats. On Mother's Day, 1999, with the whole family in the van, I hit a car that had run a stop sign. It spun and hit us. No one was significantly hurt. All our hearts skipped beats!! My son, David, who was 11 years old at that time, asked me a later what had we done for God to punish us that way. I replied "Punish!? Davey, He saved us! We could've hit her head-on and killed her. She could have hit us directly in the side and seriously injured if not killed any of you. God did not punish us, He protected us!" There are so many times in our lives, if we would stop to think about it, that God does protect us from harm. So many we won't know about until heaven. I don't think we'll be asking God questions in heaven because we'll be like Him and know. Which means we'll also get to see all the ways He was at work in our lives protecting and leading us and orchestrating the details to bless us. Instead of dwelling on what is wrong with our lives now, perhaps we should concentrate on what isn't wrong and spend our energy walking before the Lord in the land of the living! And praising Him, by all means, with hearts full of thanksgiving!

More than meets the eye....

Dave volunteers at the Dallas Pregnancy Resource Center a couple of times a month. The other evening when he was leaving a guy ran up and jumped in the car. Some other guys were chasing this fellow. One guy said he'd stolen something from him and the others had just joined in. One of them encouraged Dave to call the police. The other guy left at some point. The man in the car spoke only Spanish, but Dave could tell he seemed desperate. As Dave was telling me about it, details became more clear to him. He realized the first man had been so scared he was crying. Then it dawned on Dave that the men chasing him never retrieved anything stolen. As he thought about it, he put together the original chaser had left when he dialed the police. It was the "thief" who wanted the police. The "victim" left when police were mentioned. We decided that for whatever reason, that man wanted to hurt this guy. The poor guy may have been running for his life! Dave may have actually saved the guy's life by calling the police. (They didn't come because the chaser left and the dispatch told the Hispanic to get out of the car.) The other guys were just there. I thought, how cool that Dave volunteers to try to save lives. But God threw him into a situation where he unvoluntarily saved someone's life! One never knows when and how God might be using them at the least suspecting times!

I was absolutely shocked last night at my reaction when a lady pulled me aside to speak to me at Celebrate Recovery. I decided to go for my lack of self-control on eating and discovered there's a lot more to work on also! In the beginners small group we told why we were there. The leader later privately corrected me on something I said about myself because it wasn't right to put that guilt on myself (or something to that effect). It was positive on my behalf and I was suddenly rushed with the urge to cry---I think at how she was sort of standing up for me, and I was so surprised and touched. But the crazy thing is, I stuffed it right away and so deep that I'm not sure what she said. I just know it was on my behalf! That was my confirmation I needed to be there. Hannah has a night shirt with Patrick the starfish on it. He says, "I have issues..." I think I'm in the same boat (or lagoon). I must have some issues to respond to kindness that way! I'm guessing it made such an impression because she was a stranger and I was so sure I am wrong. (?) I'm not sure, but I do know that this is going to be quite a journey!

"For we are His workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them". Eph. 1:10 NET

I learned the most beautiful thing today. Notice the part that says that we are His workmanship. The beauty is in the Greek word for "workmanship." The word means "poem". Our life is a poem God has composed! Whether you like poetry or not, most everyone realizes that poetry is a creative process that expresses one's deep feelings and beliefs. Whether everyone reading or hearing the poem appreciates the expression, it still has deep, heartfelt meaning for the composer and is a special part of him---or in this case, a special part of Him. You are God's poem! That's a whole lot better than a piece of work!

My knight in shining armor....

My husband Dave is about as good as it gets. My son and I tease about what sale did I pick him up on and couldn't I have paid full price for a better model. But that's only because David and I are so alike and Dave is an opposite of us. There's a lot we don't understand about each other. In fact, Hannah is also like me and Emily is much like her dad with a little of me thrown in. We all share the "What is he talking about?" sensation from time to time. But that is quite okay. He has fun with it too, and it releases tension for us all when none of us are on the same page and speaking very loudly. (as if that ever helped anyone understand better!) Nevertheless, David has thanked God more than once in his lifetime for his dad and the strict way he is for teaching David the difficult lessons in life, discipline and such. We all have. Dave has kept us afloat in troubled times. We have labeled him as our family Bible scholar for all he's learned on the radio while driving on his job travels. I first fell in love with his knowledge and voice. Now that Emily is being educated at Criswell College, she's giving him a run for his money for that honor!

David and Dave have shared their sports together. Dave has never been a player, but they have both have been spectators together. David is his dad's walking baseball encyclopedia, which he always appreciates since he doesn't have time to read himself. They also shared Spiderman on Saturday mornings and cartoons on TV on summer vacation--hence this picture. Their differences have not been their demise. Now Dave is trying to mentor David in his finances. Hence the yelling. Not so much because of the decisions, but most often now just finding time to be together!

Dave's mom used to tell me that she hoped Dave was generous with me. He has always been as generous as we could afford to be. He's loving. He's made many more sacrifices for the family than I think any of us will ever realize. Even though he doesn't make as much money as he could in other jobs, he likes this job because he can do much of the work at home and works with Christians. I would never ask to take that away from him. Even though he travels, it's usually day jobs only, with occasional over-nighters. Other jobs that pay more would have him be gone often. That would be unbearable. He's tried to be ever present, if only in body, and has worked hard to be involved in all he could. When the children were children and we were homeschooling, he would even spend a week of his vacation teaching school. The kids loved his "alter ego" Mr. Throckmorton, a proper and odd little British man. Emily and Hannah had tea parties for a few birthdays and Mr. Throckmorton would serve keeping all the girls in stitches the whole time. When the children were very little we would read and act out Bible stories. For the time Jesus was in the boat with his disciples in the storm Dave would load the children on his lap and rock them hard in his rocking recliner for the storm' He'd suddenly stop when the children hollered "Be still!" It was a favorite story for us all. I love the time Dave has given us even when he didn't always feel he had it to give.

The girls have also found Dave to be their knight in shining armor. He's always been their protector----most often from unwanted boys! I felt sort of sorry for the neighborhood boys who stopped by at 8pm one Saturday back when Hannah was 13. They wanted to know if she could come out to "play." "She certainly may not!" I'm not sure what else he said, but his tone of voice in those four words were enough. They didn't bother her again!

Dave is a jewel. I'll keep him forever. Mom gave Daddy a sundial one year that had this quote from a poem, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be." We are growing old and it is getting better and better. Part of it is the memories of the growth through struggles and the laughs through the fun, so much of the better and better is recognizing the blessings God gives us every day. God is so faithful and because of it, life with Dave gets better every day.

In my job I sometimes go to the prospective client’s home to do what we call an assessment. Its purpose is to gather information about them, their health and needs and to get the papers signed, and of course, collect the money. I have done two this week, which is unusual. Lori usuall does them all. Today the adult child arranged it for the mother. I find it somewhat depressing. When my mother was ill, my dad had made all the decisions. Then Daddy remarried before he got incapacitated, so his wife took care of him. I remember being hurt many years ago when my parents told me they didn’t need us to take care of them. My first job was in a nursing home and I decided then I’d bring my parents to live with me, but they didn’t think that was a good idea. They didn’t want to be a burden. Granted growing up I didn’t appreciate my parents enough, but I learned to and love them so. I wanted my children to learn about the past from them and us to be an intergenerational family. I wanted my kids to know their grandparents. But we didn’t get to. I feel cheated. I feel like my kids got cheated too. The older generations have so much to share. They have lived through such different times—such unpredictable, new discovery, totally different times. Every one of them have a story, whether they think so or not. Sit down and visit with them. Ask them what their childhood was like. Ask them what it was like to get a TV for the first time. Ask what a record player is and how their records differed from the baby boomer generation's! Ask them if they ever imagined we’d land people on the moon or an exploratory gadget on Mars. Ask what a date was like or the first movie theater. Ask why they went to war and how America back home dealt with it unselfishly. So much beauty, history and life is being lost with the older people being ignored, stored away or forgotten. Love your “old people.” They’re a precious. Visit with them; enjoy them---while you can.

How does this work?

I have made new posts, but they're farther down. So scroll down to find them. I guess they put them in the order of when you started it, not when your posted it. Oh well.

Dave bought me a mini notebook computer. It's so cute. Very handy. Like I've always said, he's my knight in shining armor!

I hardly slept last night. I don't know why. I've drug along all day and now I'm waking up. It's so frustrating! Pray I sleep. I really need to rest so I can think clearly, get rid f the headache and also concentrate. Poor Emily, she's been trying to talk to me and I've been cranky and totally unable to follow along. She deserves better! For my family's sake, please pray I sleep well!

"Stop your striving and know that I am God..." Ps. 46:10

I'd really been wrestling with bitterness at having to work again after not working almost since the day we got married. I'd thought with the children grown there would be less need for me to be at home. However, people aren't gone and the household still needs running. Thank God Emily has taken a large part in keeping it so. She does the cooking for Dave since they both have food allergies. Everyone else takes care of themselves. Em helps with the shopping, but I still do the main shopping with help from a buddy, usually Dave and sometimes Rick. Both girls do chores. Dave helps a great deal. Yet I've felt guilty that I should be doing all that. I don't believe in super-moms. My fibromyalgia has become a big issue over the past 2 years since I've worked. Fibros need a lot of rest. Running errands in my spare time takes away chances of that. Plus, "I'm SO underpaid at work." ;) I felt like since I'm making such a sacrifice, I wanted big monetary compensation. But would that really make everything ok? When at work, with the way my job has progressed, I've had trouble reconciling the fact that I'm always interrupted to work in another area. But I like my own little space and job. I don't want to "crossover" and help anywhere else. I've really been struggling to not resent life as it is.

Then I remembered what a wise man of God once asked me with an earlier life tug-of-war. "What would happen if you laid down the rope?" Ah, yes. Lay down the rope. So I did. Things began to look different. I suddenly saw that my job at the office is all incompassing. Of course! It's all my job! It just depends on the greater need at the moment. The relief I felt was uplifting! It seemed to lift the fog in several areas of my reconciliation struggles. I did feel like a winner. The past two days have been fun at work. Thursday was hectic but I came home feeling very satisfied and accomplished. Friday was a typical Friday, but I still got done what I needed to and what I was asked to do. Laying down the rope is definitely a win-win situation. Laying down the rope is nothing more than letting God be God and being free to do what He has for you. I was really resenting His will for me.

At home I feel a little more invigorated. When I can't sleep, I get up and do something constructive instead of lying awake grumbling. When I can sleep, I sleep better. When I'm awake, I feel like doing something instead of feeling defeated. My whole problem wasn't the medicine. But I think the medicine helped me see what was missing. Basically, trusting God's will for me. That perfect pleasing will I always preach at the kids to rest in!! It's a progression as He works on us. And He never gives up. His mercies really are new every morning!

"This God is our God forever and ever. He will guide us from now on." Ps. 48:14

It's all about you in Him....

I love the simplicity and straightforward way the New Century Version reads. Here is Psalm 37:3-6. "Trust in the Lord and do good. Live in the land and feed on truth. Enjoy serving the Lord, and He will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord; trust Him, and He will take care of you. Then your goodness will shine like the sun, and your fairness like the noonday sun." "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart," is how I learned that verse in the NIV back when I first became a Christian at 29. I was so used trying to maneuver life to my benefit. I was pretty subtle about it and people thought I was so giving and nice, but it was often for the purpose of hoping to get something back. When I gave my heart to Christ and wanted to make Him happy, my new outlook changed my motivation in life. Instead of trying to manipulate things and people, I claimed the promise in that verse and entrusted my happiness to Him. I then concentrated on learning about how to live like God wanted and implementing it. I would always fall back on the promise that God will give me the desires of my heart if I'd just not worry about it. There were days that were harder to do that than others, but whenever I did, I wasn't disappointed. If there's any doubt in your mind, I can testify that God is faithful!! Indeed He gave me all I ever wanted and more. We don't have the white picket fence, but it's one of those little details that I decided didn't really matter. All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother, but I grew up in the beginning of the lie that a woman must have a career--staying at home and nurturing the future world leaders didn't count. So I worked and worked, and never found a career I wanted more, and I gave up my heart's desire. But God saw things a lot differently. He gave me a godly man who wanted me home and wanted me to raise his children. He also wanted us to home school--a concept I'd never heard of before. But the years that I had the privilege of being with my children day in and day out were the best of my life. How will God top that? These three wonders are my three best friends next to Dave. They are all three gifted in their own precious ways and have blessed me beyond all I could have hoped or imagined. If we had not home schooled I don't think we would ever have been able to build the relationship Dave and I have with our young adults. God has given me the desire of my heart and so much more!!

Setting aside myself to be in His will was the path I took. I served in every way God called me in the body. I came to learn that if all I had was Christ, I had all I needed, and that gave me fulfillment enough. Serving, studying, praying, sharing. That makes life rich! Yet God loves to give ever more. My heart overflows with joy of all the blessings God has given me through the years---even before I gave my heart to Him. If you know not God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit, you do not know life. Please set yourself aside and spend time searching with all your heart. God promised you'll find Him!! Remember, God is faithful and will accomplish what He promises.

I work for a company that sends caregivers to homes of the elderly (or handicapped) that need help. We'd been servicing two sisters. Agnes, 80, was wheelchair bound but mentally healthy. Her younger sister is Ethel. She was 2 years younger and had dementia. Agnes went to the hospital after caring for her sister better than herself. She insisted on the best for Ethel. Because of it, Ethel was a very spry 78 when I met her a few weeks ago. Agnes loved Ethel and took very good care of her. Ethel would fuss with Agnes's hair and over her in other loving ways until the day Agnes died, which was today. We had all hoped that Agnes would heal and come home to let their happy little life continue. Much to our sorrow, that wasn't God's will this time.

They were so cute together.

For so long we thought that they were alone in the world, but just two days ago we were suddenly contacted by a sister-in-law and a nephew's wife. So we're happy to say that there is family for Ethel. For the time being we stay with her 24/7. I want to bring Ethel home with me. Unfortunately, I can't and she's not a lost puppy, but somehow I love her so much and I hurt for her. It's never hurt so much to lose a client. Somehow I feel like we've lost both sisters.

Please pray for Ethel that she won't miss her sister so much that she stops trying to live herself. Her dementia isn't so bad that she doesn't know her sister is gone. Maybe some family members will be able to take her in. She needs someone to fuss over.

New and improved...

Anyone who has seen me knows that I am morbidly obese. I've tried many times to diet. The one diet I was successful with was when were were juicing. Found out that the veggie juice before a meal helps speed up your metabolism naturally, besides just being good for you. We quit for the time factor. But it was such a healthy time in my life that I think I have to find a way to do it again. I think I might have a chance at making it all work now. I have taken antidepressants most of my adult life. Sometimes I really resent it and for a while I felt it must be a spiritual inadequacy. But now I know that it's not. It appears to just be a chemical imbalance like thyroid or insulin can get imbalanced. However, the past several months I've really fought the depression. A few weeks ago I saw my doctor and he gave me Abilify in the lowest dose possible. He said it may turn out to be a God-send for me. I think it is. It has indeed lifted the cloud that so engulfed me, but it has calmed my brain too. As a young adult, I was an alcoholic. I have always craved and overdosed on sugar. That feeling of desperation is gone. It's like I see things balanced now---the way I knew in my head things were, but could never believe in my heart or the infamous "feel." I'm seeing reality for what it is and for the first time see it as possible to not just live with, but work on without the Eore "ho-hum" swamping my being. It's pretty exciting because I feel like a "real person" which I haven't felt for a very long time.

The best part of how I'm feeling is that my weight is tackleable now! I think I could do some juicing. I think I can fight the cravings---they feel much more like wants than insatiable starvation! I think I can even get up and do something without worrying about the pain or fatigue (fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue). I don't expect to be glamorous at my age, but I'd love to be as healthy as I can be. I'll have grandchildren before too long and I want to play! I ask for your prayers to keep the can-do attitude and to not miss making the most of every opportunity to be healthy. I pray it for all of you, too. We are God's temple. It's time renovate and redecorate!

Two beautiful sisters shared two "so like God" stories I want everyone to hear.

Marsha and her husband have a farm and sheep are a part of it. They went to their sheep and all the sheep came running and bleeting. They were calling to them like something was wrong, and it was! They looked past the herd and there was a lamb caught in the wire fence with his mommy near him also calling to them. They immediately set out to help, of course. Marsha realized how so like our Shepherd. When we come to Him, especially gathered as a church, to lift a hurting lamb in prayer, He always answers---and if needed will rescue!

Another sister Shigeko wrote me this story: "I found a tiny seedling growing between the pavers. As I looked it carefully, I recognized it. It was a petunia. It took a long time to carefully, gently, slowly pull it out. I whispered to it. "Don't worry, I will take care of you. Trust me, so don't resist!" The seedling was successfully transplanted in the pot and growing now. I thought of God and me. He did not condemn me, "how foolish of you to grow here, do you think you will make it? " No, he would not say that. He would never; condemnation and judgement is never for us who are His children. "

Have a blessed day knowing the love of the Lord Jesus!

Differences can be similar...

My husband, Dave, and I both Scots in our backgrounds, but mine also goes farther back to German and Vikings from Norway. So I liked the quote because I know that sometimes I'm more of a thorn haunting my husband than blessing him! Our teaching elder says that part of the role of a spouse is that God uses them in our refinement. Not that we have to be a painful partner to our better halves, but that we naturally are. No matter how perfect we are for each other, there simply are days where, even those madly in love with each other, will be a bit of a pill for the other to swallow!

Dave and I were a little surprised at how different we were even though, as Dave would always put it, we were from the same socio-economic background. Who knew two families could be the same and yet so different! We were both raised in the mainline Presbyterian denomination. In that we found the most similarities! We left it together with no argument. We rather liked the absolutes they denied. But I digress.

My in-laws were always very sweet and very welcoming to me. They almost gushed sometimes---very demonstrative. And that was fine. Yet somehow their manner was very formal. One may take off their coat and stay awhile, but don't even think of kicking off your shoes! And that's okay. Dave found my family much more relaxed. When my folks relaxed, they kicked their shoes off, put their feet up, and fell asleep right there in the chair! It took Dave a little while to understand that before they did that they had accomplished many tasks or activities. When it came time to relax, they were ready! When one visited his folks they were entertained with tours or movies. If there was some where you wanted to go, my folks would take you, but unless you asked for it, they didn't make arrangements for you. Besides, Granddaddy had so many interesting things there, no one wanted to go anywhere. So we were raised surprisingly different.

When the children came, we learned we had the same goals, but planned different routes! What was really crazy was that we'd even talked about it and were on the same page. What we daring split when we really weren't, our children are really neat people anyway. I think God has honored our efforts, and of course, He's been at work too. Probably had idn't know was that we were in different books! But what's so cool, for all our surprises and appeto work overtime for us, but He's always been at work. I love Him.

He gave me a great guy. For all our differences (and there were many more!), and I think we've really helped each other grow in the Lord because of it, we nevertheless have had a beautiful 25 years.

The only thing my life lacks is grandchildren! And now the Lord is teaching me patience......

Color - the extra blessing

I’ve learned that God is an artistic detail genius. Some friends and I were talking the other night about the Seder and how every detail points to the Messiah and how beautiful that is. Of course the whole Old Testament announces, describes, and glorifies the Christ, who He is and why He's come (and will come again). It’s just heartbreaking that people don’t see the love and beauty all woven through. The more I learn about the details of life (biologically, botanically, etc) the more I marvel at God’s wisdom. I’ve always been fascinated with the human body and how it works—like the involuntary breathing and being able to walk, wave, etc. without consciously giving a command. Then learning about cells, and different cells and how they work and no part of them can exist alone and I think---this through evolution? It’s impossible and illogical. About 15 years ago we went to Glen Eryie in Colorado for a marriage retreat. It was in late February so there were mounds of snow on the ground but much ground exposed with melting. The bright green next to the brilliance of the white was such a stark contrast. Added to that picture were the rich dark green pines and the bright light blue sky. Then I looked around to see us near a red rock wall. Even the blacktop parking lot seemed more beautiful in it’s vivid surrounding. It dawned on me that God didn’t need to give us color. If we’d never had colors, we’d never miss them. But we do have them and they add such joy to our lives that are nothing less than an extra blessing. God is so thoughtful and so loving that He wanted to give the gift of color to His beloved creations to enrich our lives. Just one of those little bonuses He loves to give those He loves. What other gifts do we have that we don’t even recognize?

Musings of a Butterfly

I wanted to use my daughter's laptop tonight but she failed to deal with a problem message and now her computer has shut down screaming, "NO MORE!" I have had days like that where I want to scream "NO MORE!" because I've ignored the trouble brewing messages. What funny creatures we are--fallen and all. Our fallen world, too, is far from perfect. I love the Walgreen's "perfect world" ads--especially the one with Monk and his perfectly square clouds. But that's not our world and certainly not our nature. But when my world and I fall apart, thank God He's there and so lovingly picks up the pieces. As Nancy Clairmont would say, "God uses cracked pots and I'm the visual aid." Indeed! I have been so broken. My dad told me long ago, "Out of faith, hope, and love, never give up the hope for better days." I took it to heart and hung out for hope somewhere...some how... someday. But when I took Jesus to heart, I found hope for every day. I'm so grateful for our God, my Jesus, and His Spirit. How wonderful these cracks can be when healed by the Master!