Whistle while you work....

I have really been struggling lately with my job. I'm not sure if it's the job itself or just going to work in general that gets to me. Parts of my job I really enjoy, but I'm not so good with dealing with people in difficult situations. Any sort of confrontation, no matter how mild, has been a huge problem for me. So just telling some people our policy, which can be inconvenient to them, is a potential confrontation, so it can be hard for me to do. Ridiculous to many, I'm sure. I also don't ask enough questions when situations arise. My boss wants me to ask more questions, and of course, they need to be the right questions. Pressure. Unfortunately, I grew up in a home where I learned very quickly to not ask questions. Questions can rock the boat and my sister rocked it enough for all of us! She wasn't a bad kid, but she was strong-willed and Mom took it way too personally. But that's another story. The point is, I've worked hard at minding my own business and not asking questions to keep the peace. However, the rules of the game have changed and now I'm told to be inquisitive. However, I got good at not asking questions and now I can't think of them when situations arise. Boss says I'm not looking at the big picture. I plead guilty there because I'm trying to focus on the situation at hand. A problem has arisen and it needs immediate attention. I try to deal with the at hand and don't feel like I have time to stop and ponder all the possible scenarios or repercussions. Sometimes I think I'm just in the wrong job, but at my age and lack of training, I don't think I'd find another one. It's always who you know, which is how I got this one, in situations like mine. Maybe I'm just afraid to try. However, I do want to tackle this job and I do want to be successful. Honestly, questions just don't come to me. They don't always seem appropriate to me either or the timing isn't appropriate. But Boss doesn't see it that way. I need to learn to ask questions. I need to look at the big picture and stop sympathizing with the situation at hand. I need to just state the policies and not feel responsible for the way it may upset someone. It's just policy, but somehow people always answer with, "I didn't know that." Boss says they were told so they should have known so hold them to the consequences. After all, it's a business, but it's a business that's a service and one of compassion. Compassion I know! I'm a mercy and am way too willing, apparently, to show mercy in business too. Well. No one said growing up was easy and now that I'm here, "up" is not easy either.

Game Plan: Look to the Lord. Look for grace for the boss; for honest appraisal of the policies; for strength and peace in confrontation; peace and not anticipating the worst that may not happen anyway; for energy; for clear thinking and for appropriate questions to come to mind in a timely fashion. Amen.

What a weekend.....

Recently two friends from our church and myself went to a True Woman Conference by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I didn't really like to listen to her because she sounds so perfect. But hearing her in person and now reading over old transcripts I see that she's really a very human person, but a godly woman. I really admire her and I SO appreciate the opportunity to have gone to the conference. I also got to see my most favorite Bible teacher of all time, Kay Arthur, in person. It was such a thrill, and her message was of course very convicting. The whole conference was convicting and SO inspiring. I wish I knew what to do with all the teaching! I was reminded that my children should not rule my heart. God should and then should come my Dave. Then my precious children, who are grown, after all. I was encouraged to see the world for what it is, passing away. Don't get caught up in it. Look to the eternal. I need to not just read the Word, but be tethered to it. I think of a tether ball, beat and battered from all sides, going crazy, but still anchored to the pole! A true woman of God has character, no surprise, but she also has a calling and a purpose. Her calling is to teach others and to be intentional about it. Her purpose is to keep God's Word from being reviled, by her self-control, purity, care for her home, her kindness, and submission to her husband (Which is no issue if you're submitted to Christ!). We were asked if our life enhances the Gospel of Christ? Wow, enhances? Women are pivotal in a nation. Kay pointed out how women in the Bible were influential from Genesis to Revelation. They were either for or against God and so was their influence. So is ours. God has given us everything we need to be true women of God and hence, for our influence to be godly and, yes, enhance the Gospel of our Christ. Again, we need to have the Bible be our daily bread. Everything kept going back to knowing the Bible, our homes being our #1 responsibility, do we really believe God and trust Him in all circumstances, and do we know Him, all with the overall theme of teaching others and being intentional. The intentional word really got me. I think I've bounced through life, floated, worked, been thrown, but have I been intentional in what I do for the Lord or do I just go through the motions? There were times I was intentional in teaching in school and in correcting the children, but have I intentionally lived for Christ? I really like the challenge. I'm re-prioritizing some things and learning to be intentional.

Living color......

I had cataract surgery yesterday and see magnificently well today. I'd had it before and the difference is wonderful! I was looking forward to seeing again, but this time is even better. People had commented about hearing others say that their colors were back. I hadn't noticed my colors being distorted. However, today I have had a wonderful day because I now know my colors were indeed diminished. The joy has been enjoying things in clearer focus, but even more the colors are more vivid. They are definitely alive. It's amazing! I knew things would be better, but I had no idea the beauty I was missing. I ironed shirts today and was thrilled doing it amazed at the sharpness of the designs and life that was in the colors. I'm an artist and colors have always been a major thing to me, but wow! It's pretty funny--but I am high on colors tonight! Such a beautiful world God created and the thrill is all renewed. Such beautiful blessings He gives in the littlest details!

To die is loss?

The Bible verse of the day today is "To live is Christ, to die is gain." Well, I've been having to die to self for almost 3 months now. Some days are easier to do than others. There's a devotion where the lady's motto is "Choose wisely." So each day I'm having to choose to follow my diet or to follow my desires. Praise God my ultimate and strongest desire right now is to lose the weight and stick to the diet. I've been 21 pounds successful and can now feel a difference. Yay! However, some days the desire is to eat a favorite food. I hear myself saying, "Just a taste again" and have to tell myself "No!" So I die to my momentary desire. It's been great to finally see the rewards. Remaining faithful to death to self has begun to pay off. So clearly, for me in this case, to die is loss! And thank God for the strength and greater desire He's miraculously kept alive in me.

...the light of my eyes...

"My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me." Psalm 38:10. I had my eye exam today and found out just how bad my left eye's cataract has gotten. As the Rangers say, "It's time." It's time to have the surgery and get it fixed. I'm really bummed about it. I don't mind the surgery and I love the thought of seeing again. I had the right eye done a few years ago and it was a marvelous difference! But the expense is going to take a huge chunk out of our not so huge savings. We were going to redo Hannah's room into a guest room, and saving for the roof to be replaced, and so on and so forth. Dave doesn't mind and isn't worried about it. I don't know why it bothers me so very much. I guess I'm just not feeling it's how I want to see the money go. It's more fun to fix a room than fix an eye. Then again, it's more useful to fix an eye than a room in the long run. The roof is a future expense. We need to look at the now. Now the eye is a need because, I found out, it can get a lot worse and do damage, I think she said. I forget what happens when it gets worse, but the essence got my attention that we need to not mess around! So, we won't worry about the money because God has always, and will always provide what we need. "Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of the maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, until He is gracious to us." Psalm 123:2 Okay, I feel better about it. This will be good and is important. And God is gracious.

...He will save us.

"For the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; He will save us." Isaiah 33:22 This was the verse of the day today. At first I thought it starts out so harsh and doesn't make God seem very warm and welcoming being judge, lawgiver and king. It makes Him sound judgmental, stern giving laws to follow, and kings always seem so distant doing all their ruling of things and never accessible. But it's because God is all those things that gives God the ability to save us. What better way has He shown His love but in our salvation, which is His forgiveness and cleansing--that which we could never do ourselves for ourselves! God is the authority that set the rules of nature in motion and established truth in His perfect wisdom. He is perfect and therefore the only one who is eligible to judge. And He is the one and only King who watches over us, reigning always on our behalf. Only God has the Son who could be the perfect sacrifice to make our salvation a possibility. The verse made me cringe when I first read it, but after I thought about it, it has become very beautiful and dear to me.

Surroundings make the girl....

Our office moved last weekend. It was quite an ordeal. The movers did a great job, but it was SO HOT because the old building didn't have the A/C on and that's where I was while furniture was being taken practically out from under me. I still had to work to give out schedules. It got done though. But I tell you what, the new office is really nice! The marble floor is polished. Lush, real and green plants deck the lobby. You even need a key to use the bathroom! Our offices are bigger and nicer. The same furniture looks beautiful in the new environment. We have a room for our refrigerator and for our microwave. It'll make food prep and storage so much easier! They have a nice kitchen just across the hall we can also use, too. What's interesting is how much ones surroundings affects their performance and feel for things. At least it does mine. I feel more professional. Perhaps I'm working better too. That would be nice! I at least have a better attitude and like I said, feel more professional. Maybe some of it has to do with I've been the only one there for a large part of this. I wouldn't say I ran the place, but it felt like it when the phone man came and the computer man and the other phone man....It's just nice that I feel better about my job. All because my four walls changed?

You will make known to me the path of life....

I've been doing a study on Luke by Elizabeth George. Luke has plenty of those hard sayings of Jesus. In recent years I realize I've ignored the tough verses and like to read the gentle and soothing passages. Am I getting soft in my old age? or worse yet, is my faith getting soft? Another thing I've questioned is am I doing anything to further the kingdom? For years I taught my children and others at home and in Sunday school. Due to my health and the fact that the kids are grown, I haven't been doing much of that. I find myself hardening at times at work. Inconvenient phone calls get the cold treatment. Yes, they're salesmen and may be pushy themselves, but I don't need to push back. I wouldn't do that away from the office. Why let myself do it there? I've settled for less because I'm old and tired, it seems. What am I doing now that I didn't then--or should I say what was I doing then that I'm not doing now? I work out of the home is the biggest difference I can see. I do feel rushed and tired from that. But many women work away from home just as many hours or more and still have time to be godly and faithful to the call. My health is worse, but hopefully it will improve with diet. I guess I don't have as much physical energy, but can't God supply what I lack with spiritual energy? I need to slow down and ponder more the scripture I do study and not just rush through to get one more thing done. Right now my Bible time is like a hard rain that runs off without much benefit. I need to take more time and let it gently rain watering my weariness and teaching me again to take time at the Master's feet. Then I'll see more clearly where God wants me in ministry in this changed time of my life. Things are different for me, but they don't have to be negatively so unless I let them. I don't think I will settle for less. I need to take action. I don't need to climb the rockiest cliff to do it. There's plenty to do where I am as I am. I just need to listen and learn again, and then walk every path He shows me, stepping out with joy because I've been well watered. That I can do.

Precious somethings.......

Precious somethings are those unsolicited things that are spoken to you or are done for you. Things like when my first born threw her arms around me when a toddler and out of the blue said, "I love you, Mommy." Or when she was a teen and we would be walking through the mall and she'd drape her arm across my shoulders. We'd walk along, arm in arm, like best buds. She was never embarrassed to show her affection. Then most recently, since she's been married and left our home, when she facebooked me with, "I just wanted to say I love you, Mommy." Back on Mother's day my new son-in-law sent me flowers. The best part was he addressed me as "Mom" which was another precious moment I wasn't expecting. Nothing lifts my spirits like a text from my son, "What are you doing for lunch?" Spending it with you, Son! Then after a school orientation, I left him talking to his group of friends and he scolded me for leaving without saying goodbye. Or the times we're driving home separately from functions and he actually kisses me goodbye in public! I tried to encourage them to keep diaries. The response was "Why? I tell you everything!" Other precious somethings are the hours of sleep we've lost because we stayed up talking about their hearts' desires--or heartbreaks. I wouldn't trade those times for all the sleep in China! Motherhood holds so many of these precious somethings. I'm so grateful for the times they drift back into my consciousness to make me smile again. I may lose my mind, but God forbid I lose my memories of my precious somethings.

Slow and steady.....

I've been dieting for a month and a half now and lost about 14 pounds. Tomorrow I weigh again and maybe it'll be more. Today finally people are beginning to say something. I don't notice a big difference in clothes or the mirror myself, but then agai,n I look every day. The people who commented don't see me regularly. I'm ecstatic that somebody can tell. I've been pleasantly surprised at my will-power to stick with it. I have weak moments but my desire to lose the weight finally out-weighs my desire to have it my way when I want it. Maybe this time next year I'll be a skinny little thing! I'll be happy to be a healthy little thing. I pray it helps my knees and hips, as would seem logical. I really think that the Lord has helped me most of all. Maybe it's not my willpower but His sustaining power. I'm so grateful for it. For all the years I ignored His promptings, I'm blessed that He still messes with me. But that's the way He is. If He can have such patience with me, I can have the patience to lose the weight. I know He's been bringing me a long slowly and steadily through the years. He's so faithful. I can hang with Him to watch Him wittle the weight away as I'm faithful to the road He's given me back to health.

My beloved husband just bought me a new laptop! I'll probably start blogging again like I should have been all along. God's been so faithful and I never talk about it. It's a sin too many of us commit. How much do we think about what all He does daily for us much less thank Him for it. As silly as it may sound to many, He brought my computer just in time for me to have time to enjoy it. He gave me the energy to get some housework done this morning--that's quite a gift with my fibromyalgia and daily uncertainty of ability. He's sustained me through my back pain which I foolishly caused by trying to pick up the suitcase by myself! He's merciful too through our silly foolishment. This is just all in my own little world that I can think of off the top of my head. God is so good. I challenge us all to find those gifts He gives us moment by moment, to be aware of His beloved and magnificent activity in our lives, and then to thank Him. I remember memorizing "The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." How I love to think of that and realizing just how enjoyable God is!

A moment of enchantment....

I must share about my daughter's wedding....Last Saturday a modest group of friends and family gathered together to step back in time to the more tender moments in a Celtic/Medieval setting to witness the joining of two very special people. The bridesmaids wore cranberry satin dresses and each carried a single calla lily and the groomsmen donned brown tunics, black pants and knee high suede boots. The best man and groom had green tunics with fur skins draped across their shoulders. The bride entered on her father's arm. Her off white dress shimmering in the sunlight. Her beaming face covered with her veil held in place by a hand-braided band with a triquetra centered on her forehead. Her bouquet was deep red roses and Calla lilies. The wedding party gathered by the lake in the triangle three trees made with white netting and cranberry ribbon draped from tree to tree. Rose petals were scattered on the ground and babies breath kissed the base of each tree. Sweetly and gently and very sincerely the bride and groom exchanged their own vows pledging lives more than just love to each other. The spectators felt they were whisked back in time to that romantic period like King Arthur and his beloved Guinevere---the very setting the bride & groom hoped to create. God bless all the people that helped to create the enchanted wedding!

Progression.....

The wedding plans are progressing and the dress is coming together. It's going slower than waiting for Christmas! I need at least an hour at a time to work on it and prefer several to be able to concentrate and really get somewhere. I know it will be ready by the wedding date because I took the day before off just in case! I'm trying to go slower than usual to be more careful. After all, it is a wedding dress for my first born. It's wonderful to be making her wedding dress. A friend called it a gift to her. I guess it is although I hadn't thought of that. I think I said before that I remember making her first dress. I think I saved it, but may have given it to the girls for their dolls. I hope not. I may have to find it in a few years for her first born! They are getting the house set up. Kyle has moved in. They'll get the rest of her things to actually move in when they get back from the honeymoon. It's a 70's style house. It's pretty neat. Reminds me of the term "mod" even though it's not modern these days. Still, it looks really nice. My son is also working on moving out. He and his father keep crunching the numbers. One day looks good and another looks too tight. Now he's been offered another job which changes everything again! Not to be left out, my middle child is learning to live with her allergies. That's not slowing her down much. She's been notified she's to be given an award (for what is a secret!) and has been nominated for Vice President of the student body at Criswell. Once upon a time I was tearing my hair out with three children under 4. Now I have three 21 and older. They're all wonderful. It's been a wonderful, adventurous life as their mom.

My first born....

Indulge me a little as I am the mother of a bride. My oldest daughter is getting married in two months. It's hard to believe. She asked for Tinkerbell collector's dolls for Christmas. Hannah is such a beautiful mixture of woman and child. She's becoming more womanly as the days progress. One day she wears a t-shirt with a character on it, then for a few days she dresses like a gypsy with flowing skirts and scarves. Another day she looks like a typical 24 year old. Our Nanner has always been predictable and yet full of surprises. The surprises are her creativity. I have always been delightfully amazed at just how original her pictures that she draws are and how uniquely her details bring her pictures to life. Along the lines of creativity out of the box, she wants a Medieval wedding party. The guests can dress traditionally, but Hannah and her groom with their attendents will be in Medieval garb. I can't wait! I can wait for her to leave. I'd keep her forever if I could. But she's disappearing evenings and weekends to be with her betrothed. I'm getting used to her being gone, but will never like it. Hannah's smile lights up the room and her laugh fills it. Hannah has always been my pride and joy. She's at work planning her wedding. She's working hard at her job. She's going to pre-marital classes. She's taking a class at Richland College. She's growing up...when she's not playing video games. Hannah is so special!

Wedding plans materilaizing...

I have been having the most fun helping my daughter plan her wedding. Funny thing about young people in love, they tend to spend every waking moment together! We hadn't seen too much of Hannah until lately. We spent one Saturday afternoon getting material for the dresses. Then we were blessed with a Sunday afternoon putting together the invitations. We've had so much to talk about lately and have had so much fun doing the talking, too. It's hard to believe my baby is getting married. I'm off tomorrow from my day job and will start making the dress. I remember the first dress I made for her when she was a baby. Now my last dress, of sorts. What a privilege.

Don't worry, be happy.....

I wanted to look at a favorite verse Philippians 4: 6 & 7, which was pointed out to me that it's a command, not a suggestion! "Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petitions with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses every thought will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." It's funny we start there because the verse right before it states, "The Lord is near." Of course we don't need to worry with Him near! But to deal with the worry, because we're all tempted to do it, we need to pray and petition our concerns. No, wait, we pray and petition with thanksgiving. There's a big difference there. What have we to be thankful for if we're worrying? That He'll answer! We can pray with confidence and therefore with thanksgiving. Do we really need to make our requests known to the God that knows our hearts already? Of course we do. He knows it, but how often have you expressed what you were thinking only to find what you express puts into focus what you thought you were thinking? I have found that when I verbalize my thoughts, either what I thought sounds silly out loud and I can adjust my thinking to be more in line with my real concern, or I find that it's not such a concern after all. Sometimes in expressing my thoughts I find that there is a deeper need in my heart that only surfaces as I express the layers hiding it. So we make our requests known to God to help ourselves find our true need and concern. I love how Holman's translation expresses God's peace "surpasses every thought." We can get pretty imaginative in what worries us and all the "what ifs" we can think up. There's nothing we can dread that God's peace can't surpass. The peace of God surpasses our worries right on to guard our hearts and minds from any more of those fiery darts Satan has to torment us with. No more torment when our minds are fixed on God. One way to help us focus is the next verse, Philippians 4:8. God shares with us what to think about instead. And He doesn't want us to have just passing thoughts, but to dwell on these things! Sit down and stay awhile thinking about things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable and all things of moral excellence or praiseworthy. That leaves no room for worry or imagined fears. What beautiful verses. What a mighty, loving, wise God. What He expects of us, He makes possible through Him.

Affliction vs Incomparable Glory.....

Memory verse this week:

"Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory." 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

I chose this verse because I was having such a hard time at work. A lot of people were yelling at me and it wasn't my boss, it was the clients we serve! I wanted to remind myself that it's all temporary and doesn't matter in the eternal.

Some afflictions don't seem so light. They can weigh heavily on our hearts, but no need to let them weigh on our souls too. This morning's devotional was about Jesus encouraging a lame man with telling him his sins are forgiven before He healed him physically. God is concerned with what we're going through on earth. He does heal; He does change circumstances, protects in impossible situations, and shows us answers to our daily conundrums. But more importantly, He deals with our souls, our sins. These are going to effect us for all eternity. How cruel He would be to only fix our afflictions on earth and leave us dead in our sins that separate us from Him, peace, and joy! And He continues to deal with our sins day in and day out---always by being there with His arms open wide with the forgiveness we so desperately need. That's the renewing day by day.

Some afflictions God doesn't remove. Why? Certainly not to toy with us, but to grow us. God not only wants us forgiven, but he wants us to be blessed. These afflictions, if dealt with through God's methods, bring us an eternal weight of glory. I looked up weight. It means like an abundance of glory. We're producing treasures in heaven when we lean on Him, forgive through Him, love the unlovely with His love, and so on. Persecuted Christians in other countries will tell you to not pray that their persecution ceases, but that they will stand up under them and be worthy of the name Christian. Their afflictions are not light!! But they know what matters. The way we handle our afflictions makes the difference. And again God is gracious. Verse after verse assures us that God is with us in the storm, when we pass through the fires, and when our burden is too heavy for us to carry.

What a phenomenal God we have! His wisdom is beyond us. His power is beyond everything. His love is unmeasurable! And He is so generous with all He gives us and does for us.

Be encouraged. Don't let your afflictions weigh you down, discouraging you. Keep your eyes on the unseen. Know that God is with you and as you carry on through your situation, you are building for yourself a lasting treasure of abundant glory that is with you through all eternity!

Laughter is good medicine....

Wednesday was my birthday, but today my younger daughter gave me a birthday party with a few of my favorite people. It was a lot of fun! I haven't had a party in many years! What was fun was the fellowship of lovely ladies having fun sharing experiences and memories. I have some witty friends, too! Christian fellowship is encouraged in the Bible. Gathering for worship is prime, but gathering for fun is thoroughly theraputic. There's healing in laughter shared and getting to know each other. Not only are we not islands, but we thrive off each other when we share healthy fun. I'm very greatful for my daughter--she knew just what I needed.

Self-forgiveness and God's forgiveness...

The subject of forgiving oneself has come up lately, and I realize I have been able to do that. I'm curious as to why, but I've noticed that the Bible doesn't address forgiving oneself directly either. But I think the most influential realization that helped me forgive myself, is that God does address us to forgive others. In this case, myself is another. After all, forgiving others is a command and is as important for ourselves as it is for the other person. It frees us both from bondage. I realized I needed to obey God to forgive myself. Also, He forgave me. One day it hit me, am I superior to God that I can override His forgiveness? Am I greater than Him that I know better than He does? Who am I to think that I should not forgive myself when God found it right to forgive me? 1 John 1:9 says that "If you confess your sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." If I don't forgive myself, I am holding on to my sin, and I'm not accepting His forgiveness or cleansing either. It reminds me of when God was talking to Job. "Where were you when..." Where am I and who am I that I would say God didn't do enough to pay for my sin in total? He gave His only Son for me. Jesus endured increadible humiliation and excruciating pain, separating Himself from God to pay for my sin. Do I dare ask Him to do more? I love Gary McSpadden's song "It Was Enough" about just that. It was enough. I didn't want to be more guilty of not forgiving myself! I think that's partof the cleansing of all unrighteousness. He takes the guilt too, so we don't have to keep it. I also think holding on to the guilt and not forgiving myself was giving Satan a victory. He loves for us to not own our forgiveness. He loves for us to carry our burdens long after Christ took them. He loves it when we don't totally surrender to His forgiveness. It's almost pride for me to hang on to unforgiveness of myself as much as to another. It is pride. No one wants to say what we did is okay, and forgiveness isn't saying it's okay. It is saying that the sin was paid for. It's humbling that I caused Jesus to die and suffer by this. It can even be humiliating and I think that's why it took me so long to give it up. But in showing me the truth in all this, God broke me. He took my sin. He took away my guilt. He gave me new life and wholeness. If He didn't, then He isn't God, but He is! I have to hold on to God's truth that He is who He says He is and He does what He says He can do. I'm determined not to give Satan any more victory over me than he's already had in my life. Sometimes that's a constant battle because he likes to recall to my mind every sin, but I will not give in to it. Sometimes I actually scream NO! to rid the thought, but hey, whatever works to keep from believing the lies! I like what Kay Arthur says to do--"Philippians 4:8 it." Is it true, honorable...etc. "Is it true" usually clears it up right there. If God is who He says He is, and He is, then I am who He says I am---a new creature and fully forgiven. How can I not forgive myself? Also I think to forgive myself also pleases God because it's part of His will for me. Too often I'm not in God's will, but I like to be in my God's will and please my Abba Father. So anything good and pleasing I've learned to do, I want to hang on to! God's mercies are new every morning. I'll cling to all of them!

Presentation and sacrifice

The NET translation is the one I used to memorize Romans 12:1 & 2. It reads: "Therefore, I exhort you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God to present your bodies as a sacrifice--alive, holy and pleasing to God--which is your reasonable service. Do not conform to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may test and approve what is the will of God--what is good, well-pleasing, and perfect."

What does it mean to be a sacrifice? It means I'll be giving up something, often precious. This is dying to self and what I want. In my case it can be sleep, food, or TV. I don't need to give them up completely because I need rest and nourishment, but it means to give up the "just five more minutes" the lazy self wants or the sugary choices in food instead of the healthy choices of fruit or veggies for a snack. It's not really denying myself anything, it's just denying the old man because he wants what's self-pleasing. Choosing healthy and discipline is really giving myself goodness. Choosing goodness helps my body to be truly alive and therefore a living sacrifice.

A holy sacrifice is where the TV comes in, or I should say, goes out. TV can be useful and can be entertaining in good ways, but it can also be unwholesome and worse. It can also simply be a time-waster for me and an escape when I want to do nothing. Laziness isn't holy. Choosing to not watch TV is only half of the story. To be holy, I need to fill my mind with holy thoughts or spend my time doing useful things. Holy thoughts come from scripture reading and studying or even reading stories of past saints who have faithfully served the Lord and persevered. Scripture memory helps keep the thoughts handy when needed for edification, encouragement, wisdom, and the like, when needed for myself or others. Useful things to do in my life would be daily chores that my fibromyalgia and arthritis like to keep me from. I can easily use them as excuses, but as I persevere and push a little, God aids me to carry on. There comes a time I must stop, but I can go a little farther than I sometimes want to. It's that extra mile that is the wise use of time. There are also things I can do during those times my body has to stop. I can still write or email words of encouragement to friends or offer prayers on their behalf.

As I fill my time with things like these and make healthy choices, I am using my body in ways that I believe God finds pleasing. The less I yield to my body's desires and yield more to the Spirit, I can rest assured that my sacrifice is alive, holy and pleasing. After all it is my reasonable service.

Reasonable service? Doesn't that mean that's the least I can do? It's reasonable. Not outstanding, not above the call, but is the call. Sounds exhausting if I think of myself doing it. It is a sacrifice to keep going, but by God's mercy, we don't have to do it alone. He not only calls us but equips us, but that's a whole 'nother verse!

New tapes....

I'm not sure if I should say new tapes or new CD's. In the current world do we play tapes in our heads or CD's since tapes are almost obsolete? Whichever it is, I'm learning to replace the old messages with new, true messages' hence, the renewing of my mind (Rom. 12:2). One way is to memorize scripture. I chose Joel 2:26. I found it very fitting for my situation. It reads "You shall have plenty to eat and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. Then my people will not be put to shame." I quoted it for my husband and he said "Great, when does that prophesy come true?" I don't know. I took it to address some of my own issues. One, I don't need to be obsessed with food. I will be satisfied with whatever I have as long as I eat healthy. Two, God has indeed dealt wondrously with me. I am one of His people and I no long have to be ashamed of my past because it's forgiven. Walking in His way, I'll not need to be ashamed again either. I think it's a great promise of comfort to me. I like it.

Here we are....

It's been a terribly long time since I've written and I apologize. Since I last wrote, my son has been trying to get into the Army until just the other day we finally got the final word. It's a resounding no after two waivers and doctor reports. He has a heart murmur that is of no consequence to any cardiologist except the Army. Oh well. He's very disappointed, but he's not beat. He may go for the police and he may go into ministry, which in my opinion both are similar! For now he's trying to enroll in Criswell College, a local Bible college, because either way he needs college. He also wants to move out and live with friends. He'll have to work an awful lot to do that to make his bills and still have time for school. He knows, he knows, I'm told. Somehow him doing all that is more of a concern to me than the Army was! I myself have been involved in a Celebrate Recovery program. If you don't know, it's a twelve step program that is based on scripture. It's basically steps to help you in your sanctification by dealing with pesky sins, hangups, and hurts. I love it. It's been very helpful. It's helped me pinpoint problems I knew I had, but didn't know specifically what to do with them or what caused them. The Bible tells us to make a reasonable assessment of ourselves not thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. The program has helped me make that assessment. I have gotten myself in better perspective in both not thinking too highly, but not too lowly either. It's so freeing! I would wish it for everyone. CR is a most useful tool for a Christian. Besides improving my relationship with Christ Jesus, it has brought me some dear friendships. One in particular. We were surprised at our similarities despite our differences. We start together in a save place and each is devoted to keeping each other safe by the shared need. Many have come having been betrayed too often. So a second reward is the friends of the high caliber one makes. My little group is about halfway through the steps. The hardest part was the inventory of my life where I shared with a select few all my hurts I've endured and sins I committed. But in the complete Serenity Prayer it talks about hardships being a pathway to peace. Once I gave the inventory, I did feel peace. The amends that I thought I could never make, I'm ready and happy to make. The Bible says to confess one's sins to another and that's what the inventory giving is based on. God is so wise! Some of us need that. My weariness is gone. I do sing a new song. I'm not fixed, unfortunately, but I know over time I'm becoming. I'm better. I catch myself now more often before the offense and stop rather than after I sin. It's growth and growth does take time. And it's so good to be free to grow! God is great to have brought me to this place.